He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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