what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
