I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
