So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
