Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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