to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
