sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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