He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
