Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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