mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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