I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
