Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
