This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
