nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
