so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
accomplished twins. life is a go
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
