i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
