I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
