i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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