The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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