So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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