how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
