So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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