hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
