He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
