My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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