and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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