i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Don't make out with my wife yet
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
