So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
