Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
