it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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