i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
