my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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