Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
