I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
