Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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