I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
