Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
