She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
