She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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