if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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