I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
