my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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