I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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