dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
