Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
