toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it wasn't lemon gatorade
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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