She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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