btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
