yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
