I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
