Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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