We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
