I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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