Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
