Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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