I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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