wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he puts the penis in happiness.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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