so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you had me at cake vodka
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
