those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
