He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I lost the right to judge tonight
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
