The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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