he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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